Human love can sometimes feel as it has come to an end, but God’s love endures forever (Psalm 107:1). Some couples that come to counseling express a lack of feelings (good ones at least) toward their spouse. After years of conflict, distance and tension, a thick wall is created. When they attempt to reach out to the other, they feel the cold, rough brick wall, concluding that there must be no more love to give. Their usual response is, “There is no use in staying married if there is no more love.”
It breaks my heart every single time I hear this. Yet, I’m aware that as a society we have twisted the true meaning of love. We use the word love for everything; I love your bag, I love my new pet, I love the new stove, etc… This kind of love is Conditional, Withholding, and Temporary. Now, the most commonly used Greek word translated “love” in the New Testament is “agape.” This is the Love God has for us – Unconditional, Sacrificial, and Never Ending. What a difference right?
Now, I’m not suggesting that we can ever reach to love the way God loves us, but we can definitely strive for it. My reply to couples is that love is a choice. Yes, you chose your spouse. You chose to make a vow to keep the marriage covenant. When you don’t feel like loving, God calls us to make the choice to love. He did. He loved us when we were still sinners (Romans 5:8). He died for us when we despised Him (1 John 4:10). Choose to Love because God chose to love you.
As an action word, love is not passive, but ACTIVE. The famous passage we quote on love comes from 1 Corinthians 13:4-8:
“4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 8 Love never fails.”
Is this how you love your significant other? Is this the way you love others? We all fall short don’t we? I know I do, just ask my husband. (Ok don’t)… In this definition, love is not described as a warm, fuzzy feeling in the pit of your stomach. Or that it feels like butterflies. Or that it gives you chills. Instead, it gives us action words we can implement (practice) on a daily basis to help us get on that road to loving as God intended. Yes, I said on a daily basis, not only when you feel like it.
Because love is active, it requires sacrifice. Jesus sacrificed His life for us. He gave ALL of himself for us. He did not care that we didn’t love Him the same. He took that risk for you, so won’t you take that risk for your marriage? If we claim to be followers of Christ and we don’t love, then we don’t love God. Why? Because God is love (1 John 4:8). Wow! Did that hit you?
If you truly don’t feel love for your spouse, begin to ask the Lord to give you His heart. Take the action step to live out this love defined in 1 Corinthians. Be patient with your husband, despite his sarcastic tone. Be kind to your wife, even if she doesn’t seem to notice the changes you’ve made. Keep persevering till the end. God is with you and will give you the strength and wisdom. Remember, Love Never Fails!!
Rest in His Word: Psalm 26:2-3
“2 Test me, LORD, and try me, examine my heart and my mind; 3 for I have always been mindful of your unfailing love and have lived in reliance on your faithfulness.” (NIV)
Heart Checkup:
- Take a journal and pray the above Psalm.
- Ask the Lord to examine your heart. Wait for his answer and write it down.
- What is God requiring of you in this broken relationship you are struggling with?
- Have you been actively practicing the action words given in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8? If not, what is stopping you?
