Category Archives: Life Challenges

Life is full of lessons – learn to embrace them!

My First Mother’s Day: A Letter to Our Son’s Biological Mother

12 May 2013

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ALetterToOurSon'sBiologicalMotherIt’s my first Mother’s Day! I’ve been feeling so many mixed emotions. I just came back from church and our son is taking a nap. It’s been six months since J joined our family, but if feels like he’s been here longer. I am the most blessed mother today, yet part of me is hurting for his biological mother. I wasn’t going to share this letter here on my blog, but I want to be transparent about what’s going on in my life. So, here’s my letter to our son’s biological mother.

Dear ______,

Where do I begin? I want to start by giving you a big hug and recognizing that today is your day too; we both celebrate Mother’s Day. I sometimes wonder if you think about J? If you miss him… or if you are going to realize that you want to fight for him? So, I wait… trusting that God will do what’s best for him.

I want you to know that I don’t judge the choices you made that resulted in the consequences for J. I forgive you. And I pray that, with God’s help, J will be able to work through his feelings and forgive you as well. I truly believe that God has a greater plan, which we both are not aware of. If anything, I am thankful for your life. Thank you for not ending the life of this child. Thank you for giving him life.

We have not met, but by seeing J, I know that there is so much good in you. And I sometimes wonder if his hands or laugh is yours and that makes me smile. Part of you is in him – so thank you. He is such a marvelous, smart, funny, intelligent, gentle, loving child – and the list goes on… I cannot see my life without J. He is a gift from God to us; you were the vehicle that God used to bring him to us and for that I am forever grateful.

Although the adoption is not final, it feels like J is already our son. I don’t like the word adoption… it just doesn’t fit for me… when I hold him, he feels like such a big part of me. God, how can you love someone like this? I can only imagine it might feel similar to when a mother holds her newborn… feeling an overwhelming sense of awe! Words cannot describe my love for J.

Please note that I’m not the perfect mother – J can tell you that! But I can assure you that I will absolutely love, nurture, protect and most of all, guide him into God’s loving arms. Wherever you are, may you feel J’s love… may you feel God’s loving whispers… and may you feel my love for you. Happy Mother’s Day!

I Rest in His Word: Psalms 127:3-5

“Don’t you see that children are God’s best gift? the fruit of the womb his generous legacy? Like a warrior’s fistful of arrows are the children of a vigorous youth.
 Oh, how blessed are you parents, with your quivers full of children!
 Your enemies don’t stand a chance against you;
 you’ll sweep them right off your doorstep.” (MSG)

Letting Go of Worries: The Surrender Tree

22 March 2013

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Think of yourself as a tree, rooted in Christ.

Think of yourself as a tree, rooted in Christ.

I learned at a very early age that loving others meant worrying about them. My culture values closeness and that comes along with sharing intense emotions. These patterns then become ingrained beliefs that we play out in our adult relationships. For some, worry becomes a way of life. It took me a while, but now I know better; I can care and love someone, but I don’t have to cling to the negative thoughts and feelings that accompany worry. I can let go and allow God to take full control.

One thing that really helped me let go of the worry cycle is the realization that I’m not in control. You see, worrying is a false sense of control; it is unproductive and tiring, not just for you, but also for others around you. Jesus said in Matthew 6:27, “Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?” (NIV)  The answer is NO! It’s impossible, yet we allow the thoughts to rob our joy. In the process of worrying, we are also loose out in life by not being engaged in the present moment.

Worry also hinders our ability to have compassion. When we are busy serving worry, there is no way we can serve God. And if we are not serving God, how can we extend His love and compassion? Again, it’s impossible! We become self consumed… we isolate… we begin to spiral down to a point of despair. Too much worry then becomes anxiety, which paralyzes our problem solving abilities and creates relationship problems. In a sense, we are allowing our fears to take over!

So let’s get to the big question, “How do I let go of my worries?” There is a method called the worry tree, which guides the worrier into three questions to help decide the appropriate action*. I’m going to use the original concept, but I’ve adapted it to include Biblical verses; without God’s Word, we just mask the problem. Please note that this is very condensed version and it’s just a starting point to help alleviate your worries.

The three main questions are (Click here for - Letting Go of Worries – The Surrender Tree Worksheet):

  1. What am I worrying about?
  2. Can I do something about it?
  3. Is there anything I can do right now?

As you can see from the above questions, these are helpful in assisting you identify the necessary action steps. Most of our worries may lie in the NO category, which can be the most difficult ones to let go because we usually want to take control, but since we can’t, we become even more anxious. The truth is that we are in control of certain things and the rest we must leave to God. This is why I called the tree, The Surrender Tree. In life, we must learn to surrender daily to God – without true surrender, we are susceptible to high anxiety.

Think of yourself as a tree, rooted in Christ. Use Psalm 1 as a visual to help you get grounded in God’s truth. “Blessed is the one
 who does not walk in step with the wicked
or stand in the way that sinners take
 or sit in the company of mockers, but whose delight is in the law of the Lord,
 and who meditates on his law day and night. That person is like a tree planted by streams of water,
 which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither – whatever they do prospers.” – Psalm 1:1-3 (NIV)

I hope this worksheet is helpful to you in surrendering your worries to God. May you experience His goodness and see the fruit multiplied in your life! Please let me know if you tried this and how it went.

Rest in His Word: Matthew 11:28-30

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” (NIV)

Heart Checkup:

  • List all your worries on a sheet of paper. Then, present them to God. Tear the paper and let them go!
  • Ask God how these worries are masked by fears. What are the underlying fears?

* Cognitive Behavioral Therapies for Anxiety Disorders: Mastering Clinical Challenges by Butler, Fennell, and Hackmann, 2008

Joy in the Midst of Pain

18 January 2013

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Decide to trust God. Even in the midst of pain, joy endures because God is in control (Psalm 30:5).

Decide to trust God. Even in the midst of pain, joy endures because God is in control.

It’s been two months since the arrival of our son. It seems surreal that he is here. The odds of being considered adoptive parents seemed impossible; but nothing is impossible for God! (Luke 1:37) The Lord truly knows His timing. He has answered our prayer; for this we give thanks. We have seen God’s hand move in miraculous ways, while in others we have been filled with sorrow.

Over four months ago, my uncle was taken for ransom. We have resolved that he is no longer with us. When we heard the news, it was devastating. It seemed like our world came down again. I say again because a couple years ago, my 21-year-old cousin also disappeared. No word from here either. Now, we have two family members whom we will not have the opportunity to see again or ever give them a proper funeral service.

I know it’s difficult to loose a loved one, but loosing a loved one and not having closure of where their body may be is disturbing. Just to think that my uncle’s body is scattered around who knows where is just mortifying (that is the common practice in Mexico). I cannot imagine how my grandmother feels. Now that I have a son, I just cannot fathom the thought of loosing him in this or any other way. The sad truth is that this happens more often that we think. The situation in Mexico is just out of hand. People are afraid of going out into their own neighborhoods because of high crime rates. It is sad to live in a constant state of fear.

What’s more painful for me is speaking to my grandmother. Trying to instill hope and faith into this situation is just so difficult. Knowing that God sent His only Son to pay the ransom for our sins has kept me sane. God’s love for us is so wide, so high and so deep that He went through great lengths to give us eternal life. But that doesn’t mean there won’t be pain.

Is there a situation in your life that is causing a roller coaster of emotions? Do things seem so unclear and dark that fear lurks in? Let me tell you that as long as you have breath, ALL is well. Decide to trust God. Even in the midst of pain, joy endures because I know that God is in control. It is not easy, but God will give you daily strength – just ask. My prayer is that through the trial, you may find His peace and love.

Rest in His Word: Psalm 29:11

“The Lord gives strength to his people; 
 the Lord blesses his people with peace.” (NIV)

Heart Checkup:

  • Name the fearful situations you are encountering and give them to the Lord.
  • Can you name three things that bring joy in the midst of your pain?

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Time to Say Goodbye

5 November 2012

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People will come and go; that’s part of the seasons of life. Some will mark your heart for eternity.

This Friday our family said goodbye to our 8-year-old foster child. She was with us for a little over four months, but it seemed like we had known her for a long time. Saying goodbye can sometimes be difficult. Will we ever see her again? Will she be okay? Will she remember us? Did we do enough? These are some of the questions I found myself pondering. Truth is, it doesn’t matter what I think. What matters is that our heavenly Father loves her and He is in control of her life.

Declining to adopt her into our family was difficult. It’s not about whom she is or her “difficult” behaviors that prompted us to say no. Rather, that we, at this time don’t feel able to give her the best she deserves. It’s about where we are. I’ve come to realize that as much as I feel her pain, I can’t rescue her. That’s God’s job. We did the best we could in the short time she was with us, but that still doesn’t make it easy on my heart. I am trusting in His sovereign plan and purpose for her life and ours.

People will come and go; that’s part of the seasons of life. Some will mark your heart for eternity. She is one of those… I miss you little one. As I see your picture on my fridge right now, I pray that God’s peace, love and joy fill your heart. You will always be in my heart and prayers. Thank you for teaching me how to love and be intentional with my actions. I release you to our Heavenly Father. In His presence you will find all you need. So, it’s time to say goodbye. It’s necessary sometimes to know our boundaries. Will we cross paths again? I hope so, but only God knows. Regardless I’m at peace.

Rest in His Word: Psalm 138:8

“The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O Lord, endures forever – do not abandon the works of your hands.” (NIV)

Heart Checkup:

  • Whom have you had to say goodbye to?
  • Be honest, how was that for you? How did you handle it?
  • Is there something you didn’t say or do that you wish you had done differently? Talk to God about it.

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The God of Inconvenience

10 September 2012

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Whatever the inconvenience, remember that these can be occasions for you to glorify God.

The past two months have been difficult for our family. We welcomed an 8½-year-old girl to our home. Although we have experience as foster parents, we were not expecting the challenges that a child with higher level of care requires. We were under the impression that we were providing respite care (a couple of days minimum), but God had His plan. Regardless, we decided to take the additional training to get certified as Intensive Treatment Foster Parents. Taking those 40 hours felt like a huge inconvenience. My plans were to continue studying and preparing for my licensing exam and we had some other things we are working on as a couple. With this new goal in mind, all my plans were put aside.

How many times have you felt that God has inconvenienced your life? Maybe you felt inconvenienced when your neighbor asked you to take care of their dog for the weekend. Maybe it was when your co-worker’s car broke down and needed a ride home, which is opposite direction of your home. Maybe you felt inconvenienced when your pastor asked you to host the next prayer night in your home. Whatever the inconvenience, remember that these can be occasions for you to glorify God… it’s about putting yourself aside in order to allow God to come between you and someone in need. It really is about glorifying God with your life.

Despite of all my excuses and personal plans, God’s timing is always perfect. Having her in our home is not a coincidence – it is God’s perfect plan. Although our world has been turned upside down, we trust that God is doing a great work in her and in turn building our character. Today, I invite you to be open to the inconveniences that come your way. Look at them as opportunities to reflect the light of Christ. After all, Christ experienced the ultimate inconvenience for you to have eternal salvation!

Rest in His Word: Philippians 2:5-7

“Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing,
 taking the very nature of a servant,
 being made in human likeness.” (NIV)

Heart Checkup:

  • What is God trying to teach me with this inconvenience?
  • Have I been too full of myself to notice others in need?
  • What is one thing I can intentionally do today to help someone?

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God Sees You

18 August 2012

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Because He is your creator, God sees you differently. Therefore, He knows everything about you. He knows every part of you.

Have you ever asked yourself if God truly listens to your prayers or if He’s interested in your day-to-day problems? I know I’ve struggled with these questions in my walk with the Lord to the point of being distracted from trusting God. The trials I’ve encountered have helped me realize that God wants the best for me. Have I always seen it? Unfortunately, the answer is no.

The truth is, He is interested in your life! Even when you can’t see God or feel Him, He sees you. What do I mean by that? In the movie Avatar, the statement “I see you” expresses a positive feeling when meeting someone. In addition, it means understanding or comprehending someone in a spiritual sense. You see, it’s not just the physical vision, but it goes deeper into the spiritual realm.

The problem is that sometimes we think God sees us the way we see ourselves: we either think too little or too much of ourselves. It’s a distorted and unrealistic way. Because He is your creator, God sees you differently. Therefore, He knows everything about you. He knows every part of you. He sees the real you – the good, the bad and the ugly. There is nothing we can hide from Him.  Hebrews 4:13, “Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of him to whom we must give account.”

I find this truth comforting, don’t you? I don’t have to pretend to be something I’m not. I can just rest in His presence and allow Him to change those yucky things inside and replace them with His goodness. God says the following to you:

I see your pain…  When you hurt, I tend to your wounds.

  • Psalm 147:3 – He heals the brokenhearted 
and binds up their wounds.

I see your depression…   When you lay in bed feeling lonely, I’m right next to you.

  • Deuteronomy 31:6 –Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.

I see your hopelessness…  When you raise your hands in desperation, I’m holding them up.

  • Isaiah 40:29-31 – He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.Even youths grow tired and weary,
 and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord
 will renew their strength. 
They will soar on wings like eagles; 
they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

I see your anxiety…  When your thoughts spiral down, I’m reminding you of My promises.

  • Isaiah 26:3-4 – You will keep in perfect peace 
those whose minds are steadfast,
because they trust in you.Trust in the Lord forever, 
for the Lord, the Lord himself, is the Rock eternal.

I see your fear…  When you are paralyzed, I’m protecting you.

  • Deuteronomy 31:8 – The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.

I see your addictions… When you are weak, I am strong for you.

  • 2 Samuel 22:29 – You, Lord, are my lamp; the Lord turns my darkness into light.

Can you now see God? He sure sees you! My hope is that you begin trusting God during difficult times. You are never alone my friend. God knows you and understands your struggles. Accept yourself the way God sees you. Won’t you allow His word to penetrate your Heart and Mind? Allow Him to see you…

Rest in His Word: Mark 9:23

“Everything is possible for one who believes.” (NIV)

Heart Checkup:

  • What have I been trying to hide from God?
  • What behaviors have been serving as barriers in me trusting God or believing what He says about me?
  • Who’s lies have I been believing? Mine, family, others…
  • What are the areas I struggle and what promise (find a verse in your Bible) can I begin memorizing?

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