It’s my first Mother’s Day! I’ve been feeling so many mixed emotions. I just came back from church and our son is taking a nap. It’s been six months since J joined our family, but if feels like he’s been here longer. I am the most blessed mother today, yet part of me is hurting for his biological mother. I wasn’t going to share this letter here on my blog, but I want to be transparent about what’s going on in my life. So, here’s my letter to our son’s biological mother.
Where do I begin? I want to start by giving you a big hug and recognizing that today is your day too; we both celebrate Mother’s Day. I sometimes wonder if you think about J? If you miss him… or if you are going to realize that you want to fight for him? So, I wait… trusting that God will do what’s best for him.
I want you to know that I don’t judge the choices you made that resulted in the consequences for J. I forgive you. And I pray that, with God’s help, J will be able to work through his feelings and forgive you as well. I truly believe that God has a greater plan, which we both are not aware of. If anything, I am thankful for your life. Thank you for not ending the life of this child. Thank you for giving him life.
We have not met, but by seeing J, I know that there is so much good in you. And I sometimes wonder if his hands or laugh is yours and that makes me smile. Part of you is in him – so thank you. He is such a marvelous, smart, funny, intelligent, gentle, loving child – and the list goes on… I cannot see my life without J. He is a gift from God to us; you were the vehicle that God used to bring him to us and for that I am forever grateful.
Although the adoption is not final, it feels like J is already our son. I don’t like the word adoption… it just doesn’t fit for me… when I hold him, he feels like such a big part of me. God, how can you love someone like this? I can only imagine it might feel similar to when a mother holds her newborn… feeling an overwhelming sense of awe! Words cannot describe my love for J.
Please note that I’m not the perfect mother – J can tell you that! But I can assure you that I will absolutely love, nurture, protect and most of all, guide him into God’s loving arms. Wherever you are, may you feel J’s love… may you feel God’s loving whispers… and may you feel my love for you. Happy Mother’s Day!
I Rest in His Word: Psalms 127:3-5
“Don’t you see that children are God’s best gift? the fruit of the womb his generous legacy? Like a warrior’s fistful of arrows are the children of a vigorous youth. Oh, how blessed are you parents, with your quivers full of children! Your enemies don’t stand a chance against you; you’ll sweep them right off your doorstep.” (MSG)